Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Needing Humility

I just have to get a few things off my chest. As I scroll through Facebook sometimes I stop and realize how judgmental I am being in my head and how gross it makes me feel. It's only directed towards people that are sending their kids to school. And do you know what it is? Jealousy. Not because I wish I could get rid of my kids and get a break (quite the opposite of that. I have no desire to be away from them for that amount of time). It's jealousy that they can be so open about their choice and no one cares. I can't tell you how badly I want to post about the fact that Nate is starting "Kindergarten". But the minute I say anything I feel like I will be living in a fish bowl. Like everyone will be watching and waiting for me to fail so they can say I told you so. They don't see how fluently he can read, how confident he is talking to people of all ages, how honest he is with me, how he knows some multiplication in his head. How he spells words wrong and I correct him and he works on spelling them correctly. How he is learning to type. And I don't want to flaunt it. I don't want people to know what he can do because I know when I see another kid that can do something he can't how I worry that I did something wrong. He wrote out Twinkle Twinkle on the piano roll on Phil's music software by trial and error the other day. I want to tell people things like this so they don't think we sit around at home doing nothing. I posted about how we were playing multiplayer minecraft typing to each other, but what I didn't say is how amazingly fast he reads what I type. I don't have to sit him down with a book to get him to practice reading. But people look at that and don't see the value in it. And I feel like I have to justify myself and the choices I make. So I get judgmental and think my choice is better (in my head) only because I'm trying to tell myself that it is the right choice for us even though so many people don't understand why. But I don't really believe its the better choice for everyone. And truthfully I do worry I can't do it. I do worry I will fail. It would be nice to feel good about sending him to school. That's the easy choice. But it doesn't make it the right choice. Specifically because Nate is too ahead for what they learn in kindergarten, but also too behind in emotional maturity for even Kindergarten. He NEEDS individualized learning. I'm working on a post listing all the reasons we chose homeschooling. It's long but it will feel good to get it out there. Anyway thanks for reading and letting me get that out. If formatting and grammar is bad it's because I'm on my phone.

Thursday, August 22, 2013

Diaper Free!! Well mostly.

I honestly thought this day would never come. Audrey likes to take her sweet time with everything. Everyone always said girls were easier and the fact that she refused to go until she was 8 months older than Nate was I started to think they were full of crap, but I had faith that the process would be easier once it finally began and I was right. Nate had countless accidents. To this day he has accidents on a DAILY basis. That is not an exaggeration. This kid puts off going potty so bad. He never has pants on because he pees in them and takes them off. It's so frustrating! But Audrey? Not one accident since she started. Once it was her idea on her terms holy crap! She's amazing! She even wipes herself. Something I still struggle to get Nate to do. Now if I could just get her to remember to wipe before standing up that would be fantastic!

Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Just a little PSA.

I just have a few things to say that I have been thinking about a lot and feel are important. I contemplated a lot about how I would announce the final addition to our family. So many beautiful, wonderful people I know suffer with infertility, and many people are silently suffering without my awareness. Because this is something that I have always had a really sensitive place in my heart for, announcing my pregnancy is not something I wanted to make a big show of, but I also just wanted to use this opportunity to raise awareness of the issue of infertility. The most important thing is to be aware that you don't know who is suffering so it is important to always be sensitive. I want to make a few things clear: 

1-If you have to hide me from your facebook feed or avoid talking to me, that's ok. I will not be offended (not that I would know anyway), but I don't want to cause anyone pain. If that's what you need to do, I completely understand! 

2-It is NOT fair that I am pregnant. I'm so sorry and know you will have the opportunity to be a parent the way you are meant to be and you will be the most amazing parent in the world because you had to fight for that title. 

3-I just have to interrupt this message to say that Audrey just went pee on the potty for the very first time and it's a big celebration. She even remembered the song I told her I would sing if she went on the potty and told me to sing it!!! YAYYYYYY finally!

4-I am always more than willing to be a support if you need someone to talk to. I understand if it is easier to talk to someone that has also suffered and understands what you are going through so I won't be offended. Pretty much nothing you can do will offend me. I just want you to feel like you can talk to someone. I am part of an infertility support group if you would like to be added. 

That being said, we are really excited!!! It came a little sooner than we were anticipating (after all I am going to full time school this year and were hoping to wait till I was done, but feel like this is the actual right time...it just might be a little stressful, but doable). I am "due" March 21st. And I plan to have another home birth and am super excited about that. Especially being in our house and not an apartment. The kids are really excited too. :D