Wednesday, August 28, 2013

Needing Humility

I just have to get a few things off my chest. As I scroll through Facebook sometimes I stop and realize how judgmental I am being in my head and how gross it makes me feel. It's only directed towards people that are sending their kids to school. And do you know what it is? Jealousy. Not because I wish I could get rid of my kids and get a break (quite the opposite of that. I have no desire to be away from them for that amount of time). It's jealousy that they can be so open about their choice and no one cares. I can't tell you how badly I want to post about the fact that Nate is starting "Kindergarten". But the minute I say anything I feel like I will be living in a fish bowl. Like everyone will be watching and waiting for me to fail so they can say I told you so. They don't see how fluently he can read, how confident he is talking to people of all ages, how honest he is with me, how he knows some multiplication in his head. How he spells words wrong and I correct him and he works on spelling them correctly. How he is learning to type. And I don't want to flaunt it. I don't want people to know what he can do because I know when I see another kid that can do something he can't how I worry that I did something wrong. He wrote out Twinkle Twinkle on the piano roll on Phil's music software by trial and error the other day. I want to tell people things like this so they don't think we sit around at home doing nothing. I posted about how we were playing multiplayer minecraft typing to each other, but what I didn't say is how amazingly fast he reads what I type. I don't have to sit him down with a book to get him to practice reading. But people look at that and don't see the value in it. And I feel like I have to justify myself and the choices I make. So I get judgmental and think my choice is better (in my head) only because I'm trying to tell myself that it is the right choice for us even though so many people don't understand why. But I don't really believe its the better choice for everyone. And truthfully I do worry I can't do it. I do worry I will fail. It would be nice to feel good about sending him to school. That's the easy choice. But it doesn't make it the right choice. Specifically because Nate is too ahead for what they learn in kindergarten, but also too behind in emotional maturity for even Kindergarten. He NEEDS individualized learning. I'm working on a post listing all the reasons we chose homeschooling. It's long but it will feel good to get it out there. Anyway thanks for reading and letting me get that out. If formatting and grammar is bad it's because I'm on my phone.

4 comments:

Chad and Rachel said...

That's funny because I was literally just thinking on my way home from dropping off Henry, "I don't like dropping Henry off at school so he can learn a few good things in the midst of all the crap he's going to learn. Krista homeschools. She is awesome. She is confident in her decisions. She had a homebirth without fear. She is a different kind of person and I like that." So post it on facebook and let us all see how awesome you and Nate are! So what if he isn't mainstream. Mainstream is ordinary and "common". Nate sounds pretty creative and special to me and all the important academic/artistic people are creative and unusual types.

DeRosa080208 said...

I will never judge you for doing what's right for your kids. You go! I think you're an amazing parent, and I think you should be able to brag about your kids as often as you want. Screw the people who suck at being supportive. Maybe they need a swift UNFRIEND in the butt! ;)

Krista Eger said...

Rachel that is the most touching thing someone has said to me. I don't know if you'll see this, but THANK YOU! I think you are an AMAZING mom! And you birthed without fear even if it was at the hospital. Doesn't matter! :D

Hayley Bruening said...

I love that you decided to homeschool! i know Ian is only 5 months old, but I'm considering it already. My biggest fear has always been the socialization part, but I remember reading one post about how you have parent groups which I think is awesome! Every kid develops differently and I hate how everything is so standardized in public schools. We might be having a conversation down the road FYI once Ian's getting to school age ;)