Monday, October 7, 2013

The Trap

Having a child with special needs that are not obvious creates a giant trap. One I'm sick and tired of living every day. Two traps actually:

1-The child's behavior is a reflection of bad parenting therefore others judge you and everything you're "doing wrong".

2-The child's behavior is a reflection of your bad parenting and you think it's all your fault and certain things could have been prevented and you're not doing a good enough job as a parent.

Though Nate was only officially diagnosed with ADHD, I still really think he is on the spectrum. Though I have no idea what it is like to have a child with full blown autism, or even full blown Asperger's, it brings challenges that are difficult in their own way. Because he seems so normal, he's expected to be as such. He's expected to react like normal kids react. And when he doesn't, because he seems so normal, people don't understand why he has a difficult time, and why we have a difficult time.

I'm so sick of living this every day. I'm sick of hearing about what people have thought about Nate, what they have judged me for, what Phil judges himself for, etc. I wish I knew everything about his brain. I wish we had thousands of dollars to spend on diagnostics, treatments, therapists, just so we can figure out the best way to parent. There's no parenting manual that can prepare you for this and it sucks.

Just having a bad day with this. Tomorrow I'll feel better.

No comments: